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Marriage is a Social Construct, and I Don’t Want Any.

Submitted by on July 14, 2012 – 11:38 pm2 Comments

I remember being a young child and asking my mother if girls could marry girls and guys could marry guys, and in an effort to raise me open-minded, she said they could. She meant well, but having grown up and seeing the injustice of marriage laws all over the world, I never quite understood what was so sacred about it. I’m not here to insult anyone who is looking to get married one day or is already married, but as I understand it, marriage is merely a social construct, a contract of love if you will. I find it weird that people spend so much money for a celebration that lasts less than a day and ultimately a piece of paper stating you are legally recognized as a couple. According to the law, you can get a tax break. According to religion, you can get into heaven (or pursue dharma). But what about someone like me who doesn’t partake in things like that?

Going back to my childhood, I was fascinated by everything of the Ancient Egyptian culture. I guess I still am, having gotten a phonetic, hieratic translation of my name tattooed on my forearm.

The first five characters say Di-e-es-ir-ay, and the last character says ‘this refers to a female’. How appropriate, given my raging feminism.

Anyway, there’s not much documented regarding marriage in that culture, not even amongst the stories of their gods. It’s speculated, actually, that simply packing up your things and moving in together was considered marriage then. Basically, that’s cohabitation/common-law marriage now. Does anyone understand how simple that sounds? Live together out of love, figure out your problems while living under the same roof, have children and raise them, there’s literally no difference except what society says is the right thing to do.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I create, I write, I am an artiste. No man comes before my work. Should I love someone more than anything in the universe, and define it as x, my passion for writing serves as x+1, rendering x>x+1 impossible. Marriage, you see, would be cumbersome to that equation. I’m best alone, consistently learning new ways to see myself and everything around me. It’s not a celibacy issue, mind you, nor an introvert issue (anymore), it’s simply that placing another person above who I am and what I do is a strange concept.

If I were ever to fall for someone, that someone would have to be like me, able to handle the emotional support required in love, but understanding if it isn’t always there. I’m not putting a ban on long-term relationships, only that I’m okay with never having one and if I do, I’m not putting a name to it. Not that I would ever outright ask someone to move in with me, but only suggest such a proposal (see what I did there?). The closest I would ever come to marriage would be the Ancient Egyptian manner, because I need to stay in the mindset that I’m doing something to change things for the better, even if it’s within my own life. People who don’t get married aren’t evil, and marrying for companionship isn’t evil either.

On the bright side, I suppose I’m better off than some of the girls in this world, who still get their husbands chosen for them by their parents. Oy, I can’t even.

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  • Catherine says:

    I was going to write my own piece about marriage as a social construct until I read yours and realised that anything I was going to write would be useless as you’ve already said it here. This is pure gold. Thank you for sharing your beliefs with the world and making me realise I am not alone in my thoughts.

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